Your Mind Matters EP 3
Depression
What is depression?
Depression is sadness and low mood that is persistent and lasts for a long time. We all go through periods of stress, feeling low, sad and miserable about life, because we can’t be happy all the time. its normal to experience a range of emotions but these will usually pass in due course. Depression doesn’t pass or it keeps on coming back, it doesn’t necessarily stop you leading a normal life but may make everything you do harder and seem less worthwhile. At its most severe it can make you suicidal or give up the will to live. Events like bereavement, end of a relationship, illness, job loss, money problems, childhood experiences, sleeping problems, physical health problems, drug and alcohol abuse and diet problems are a few of the causes. If you have been feeling like this for a few days or more, speak to someone close to you or see your GP.
Depression is a dark cloud over a lot of people’s lives, with many different types of depression affecting people it can be hard to get the right advice especially when we are only just finding out about the condition ourselves. Self-care is really important if you are going to overcome your obstacles, as you are the only one who really knows what is going on inside yourself and can make your own assessment on how your progress is going.
This week, Bill talks about the lost of his brother Ollie to suicide. The effect that had on his life in the years following.
"My Story"
In summer of 2014 my younger brother took his suicide, out of the blue! He’d always been a night owl, up at strange times always out but that was just him! At first it was like time had stopped and I was frozen. If you've ever watched Doctor Who, there where angels that crept up on people, when they blinked. Until they got close and turned you to stone. The suicide was the angel (the worst kind) and turned me to stone. This lasted probably those first 2 years, it was like I was floating through the days on auto pilot because I certainly wasn’t home, I felt guilty if I laughed or had fun. I was confused and I could never enjoy anything again without beating myself up. I didn’t enjoy the days, it was like a dark cloud was hanging over me I was consumed in my own bubble, so I started to drink more and take pain killers to help ease the pain i felt in my head. It helped, but it was only temporary, things started to go a bit crazy in my mind, I wanted these feelings going up and down to stop, it was really exhausting. I tried to keep it from people as I thought I could manage and then as I slowly couldn't manage, I lost the ability to communicate, it was all consuming. Suicide felt like the only way out at this point, 2 things were going on, I was in so much pain losing my brother and my mind and body were what felt like at war. I would lose control of myself, my emotions and feelings I was actually scared of myself and what I was doing it was like being in the driver's seat but someone else controlling the steering and the pedals. The boiling point came in 2016 when a failed suicide attempt bought everything out in the open and I was forced to confront what had been going on. That wasn't the end, it was only the beginning.
"I struggle to talk, if that sounds like you, try to get creative. I was writing, exercising to express my emotions its a trial and error approach. Having a support network around you is important, people notice when you aren't well being you. If you can't verbalise it, write it, paint it..."